This is Breaker.
Breaker died last week. Breaker was one of my bonehead buddies in the Yukon. I don't like this news. This news makes me sad. But I accept this news.
A couple of days ago, my friends in the Yukon sent me a short email to inform me about Breaker. I'm quite sure that they are much sadder than I am. Breaker was a wonderful companion, and like most Border collies he was as smart as a whip. Breaker shared his home in Bear Creek with two of his siblings, Skidder and Roxy, a furball named Trouble, and his two, two legged companions, Jannice and Terry. On occasion, another sibling, named Deuce would come for a visit for a day or two, and when I was up there this past January to housesit, his mother Becca had moved in full time. My friends also mentioned in their email that Becca died back in March, so now there is just Skidder and Roxy remaining, and of course Trouble the furball.
I love all of these boneheads, but for whatever reason, right from the get go, Breaker made the decision to be my best buddy. Prior to Becca moving in, when there were just the three amigos, it was always Breaker who would try to get as close to me as possible, and if either Roxy or Skidder tried to change that arrangement, Breaker would somehow figure out how to worm his way through the other two, so that he could be right next to me.
As I mentioned a moment ago, he was smart. When I had the opportunity to housesit back in 2010, I can remember Breaker the "jail breaker" as I came to think of him for a while. My friends had a large part of their property adjacent to the road, fenced off. It was a great place to put the three amigos, so that they could be outside but still on the property. But the system never worked quite as well as it should have, because somehow, Breaker would find a way to get out. This escape technique seemed to be above the pay grade of Skidder and Roxy, but not Breaker. After two or three jail breaks, I conceded that Breaker was smarter than I was, and I gave up on the idea of trying to keep him in that enclosure. He was trying to tell me something, that being, "I'm smarter than you, and I'd rather be with you than separated from you, even though you're not as smart as I am." Maybe he was thinking that if he could just spend enough time with the stupid human, that some of his intelligence would finally rub off on me. I'm not sure if he was successful.
The three amigos and I would spend many hours walking around on the frozen tailings ponds that are situated immediately behind the property. Occasionally I would find an old stick to use as a walking aid. With the four of us roaming around out there, we would attract the attention of Laski, the neighbour's German Shepard. Laski was focused on grabbing my walking stick, and when that happened, Breaker would be the one to butt in immediately. Whether he was trying to protect me, or if he just didn't like Laski, I'm not sure. But it wouldn't be too long before, Laski would turn tail and head back home, and the four of us were left to continue our wanderings around in the snow.
I've lost track of the number of nights that the boneheads and I would climb up to one of our favourite viewing spots amongst the tailings piles, sit down in the snow, and just be. Up above, a star studded sky, the best I've ever seen, and on some evenings, the Aurora Borealis would be on display, with colours and sounds that were literally out of this world. We were content to sit there, and hang out for maybe an hour or so before heading back home. Of the three boneheads, Breaker would be the one sitting closest to me. Always.
One more memory from 2010. Terry had provided me with his work van to drive to town and back, and I would usually load up Breaker, Skidder and Roxy so that they could come along for the ride. I would open the door to the rear section of the van for them, and no matter which one initially got to the passenger seat first, it would eventually be Breaker that somehow managed to commandeer the seat. And, if at some point in the journey either of the other two tried to even get close to the passenger seat, Breaker would growl and sneer at them, just to let them know that he would be sitting there for the entirety of the trip, thank you very much. Of the three, Skidder is the largest, but even he would be intimidated by Breaker's performance, and before long, both he and Roxy would settle back down in the back of the van, resigned to the fact that for this journey at least, Breaker would keep the front seat. This would happen on every trip, and I would get a chuckle out of it each and every time.
And finally, one more Breaker story to round things out, a story that I am not sure that my friends would like to know about, but here it is. Normally, the boneheads sleep in the kitchen. The master bedroom is next to the kitchen. I tended to leave the door slightly ajar. All the boneheads would be settled down for the night on their respective cushions, and I would head to bed. By morning, every single one of them would be in the bedroom with me, and it would be Breaker on the bed, with the other three (this included Becca at the time) curled up in various locations on the floor. While I was asleep, there was a kitchen conspiracy that resulted in a mass migration to the bedroom. I made sure to do a complete vacuum prior to my friends returning home, in order to destroy any of the hairy Border collie evidence.
I have recently re-read a book that I first came across in 1981. The title is, "On Death and Dying" by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. The main premise of the book is that when a loss is suffered, a person has to go through five stages of grief, those being, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. Try as we may, to short circuit these stages of grief, it remains key to helping the individual at some future point, move on with their lives. The wisdom contained in this book has been very beneficial over the years. Grief from loss is a very personal thing, and it's different for everyone. I can only imagine what my friends are going through, as a result of losing Breaker and Becca, but maybe in time, after they have worked through the depression phase, the acceptance phase will arrive, and thoughts of Breaker, that at the moment may bring a tear, will turn to thoughts of Breaker that bring a smile and a laugh. I sure hope so.
In the meantime, there are still these two boneheads, featured in the photo directly below, with Roxy on the left and Skidder on the right. Maybe these two are looking at my friends as if to say, hey you guys, we're still here and we still love you. So let's go for a walk and reminisce about our sibling and friend, Breaker.
I'll close out this blog with three short video clips that I took back in January. The first one, takes place in the kitchen, as the boneheads and I prepare for a walk, and of course, Breaker is almost on my lap. The second is on the walk, and the final one, was taken just moments before I left Bear Creek. In it, you can tell that Breaker doesn't want me to leave, and looking at it now, it brings a few tears to my eyes.
living a life of profound acceptance,
Paul
The Thoughtful Wanderer
The Videos
PRE-WALK
THE WALK
LEAVING BREAKER
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